I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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