I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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