I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
