I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize