so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
