I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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