We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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