We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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