If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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