it's like her boobs came off with her bra
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I am available for nakedness
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
