i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
