my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
