C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
