I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
