if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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