This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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