So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
