Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
