You don't have asthma, your pregnant
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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