I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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