i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
