Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
