so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
did i just pee glitter
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
