He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
