dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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