I heard we made out
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
