I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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