Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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