Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
