Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
