Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
did you just send me my own nude
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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