She's JV to your varsity
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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