Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Enjoy the penises
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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