There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
