Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
