did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
