Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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