hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
