this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
