i will never coherently bang her
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
