i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
