If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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