This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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