dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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