dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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