just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
