It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
