People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
