i just wanna soil my oats bro
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
