dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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