Yo dont text me then not text me
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
