Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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