in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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